Get a Ten: Interpersonal Skills for Success

I discovered this tactic, and want to share it, because I’m sort of proud of myself for having coined the snappy slogan that expresses it. “Done or gone” is my default method for handling challenging business and personal projects in the incipient stage. I think many of my readers will find it useful.

When I sense an opportunity that must be pursued, whether it’s in business or in personal relationships, I press the opportunity until I achieve a tangible result. This could be an agreement to meet with someone over coffee and discuss our plans, or finalizing a deal in any form, or hiring someone to work for me, or addressing a challenge.

I love it when I can mark something as “done” in my planner. It’s easy when accomplishing something depends only on me. In that case, “done” is a given: I know that by the end of the week the action will be taken. However, more often than not, the action involved another person, or a group of people. If they are my subordinates or friends, it’s relatively easy to motivate them. But if they are prospective partners, I have to be considerate of their choice. I noticed that sometimes, when the ball is in their court and I just have to wait for a while, I may become rather frustrated: nothing is happening, and I can’t mark that particular action as “done” in my planner  - because it doesn’t depend on me!

That’s when my “done or gone” tactic comes in handy. Waiting is a useful skill in business and in relationships, but waiting longer than you feel comfortable is counterproductive. That’s why when I make arrangements with other people, I tell them by what date / time I would like to hear back from them. I’m also quite open to reminding them as many times as I find necessary, that I want their feedback. If nothing happens by the time limit that I set, I mark the action as “gone” in my planner, and never look back. Having marked something as “gone” generates a powerful sense of release of energy.

To me, it was not the opportunity that was gone: it was I who consciously moved on to other opportunities. If the opportunity that I selected to leave behind reappears and begins to pursue me, I may accept it. But I will definitely stop pursuing it after the deadline that I set.  There are plenty of opportunities ahead, and it makes no sense to look back and get stuck.

Obviously, “done” is the preferred result, that’s why I give the other person many chances to meet my requirements for completing their action within my timeframe. But instead of waiting passively, I pursue the opportunity with full commitment. That is the core of the “done or gone” method.

One of my favorite ways to achieve a positive practical result when the action involves other people is the “100 phone calls” tactic. It’s simple and effective to such degree that it’s almost magical. I’ll write a separate post about it pretty soon.